


Song of Silence

by VomitGuts



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts, but it's a bit sad, directly or indirectly?, idk - Freeform, idk what this is, might be continued
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24775978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VomitGuts/pseuds/VomitGuts
Summary: Alex Standall used to enjoy the peace and quiet. Not so much anymore.Experimental thing to explore S1 Alex. Mostly just real sad boy hours.! TW for depression / suicidal thoughts / self hatred. Please be safe and heed the tags, folks.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Song of Silence

Dull, rolling fleets of clouds had long since shrouded the Crestmont area in their shadows, swallowing the stars among their ranks. The rhythmic pitter patter of drizzle on the windows lulled the Standall house into a state of near total equilibrium, whispered roars beyond the glass quickly overtaking any fleeting creaks and drowsy breaths that occupied its rooms. The peace of the evening was far from lost on most of its inhabitants, but still, a lone pair of blue eyes glared through the panes with a wretched anguish: A look that simply did not suit them, no matter how _clear_ it gleamed from behind those tired lids. 

_What time is it?_

Shallow breaths joined the nighttime symphony. A pale haired boy shifted on his side, shivering atop the covers, eyes tracked to the inky night outside.  
The quiet had always suited Alex just fine. Always contemplative, always wondering; such a night should’ve given him a brief yet well-needed moment to reflect. Despite all of the _shoulds_ in the world however, Alex was quite positive that he now permanently existed in the space between should and could, a void that he’d fallen into the moment he heard that sirens call of a familiar voice through his headphones. Since he last heard Hannah. That void itself perhaps **could** have been peaceful in all its vast emptiness, but it was more of a question of whether it **should** be to the trembling teen. Among his jumbled string of thoughts, he could merely draw a single conclusion: He was being punished; he _knew_ so. 

The way he’d ended up in such a position was no mystery either. Alex completely understood why he now lived with lead in his shoes and thorns behind his eyes. He deserved it. In fact, he deserved worse. His world had been re-spun with considerable tangles of tragic injustice throughout the past few weeks, and so the chief instance of such that was keeping him awake at night simply could not be drowned by the rain nor consumed by the void. Alex could not be free of himself. He could feel the wrongness of it all in his chest with the sharp rise and fall of his own shaky breathing. It was torture being there. It had long since become too much to exist.

He curled in on himself, arms folding across his torso and head tucking against them with a pitiful bow. Then, a sharp sniffle melted into the lull, quickly followed suit by a chorus of weak sobs. The chaos behind those ocean eyes never ceased, even as they pressed tight. It didn’t matter that the black sky was lost from sight because the darkness he felt was beyond physical existence. It was permeable in his own breath, keening in his eardrums, nipping at his fingertips. Alex simply let the numbness overtake him as his tears slowed. He clutched at his sides, perhaps as if he were to embrace an old friend, though he knew of course, he had no more patience for the stranger that had crept into his sheets and lived in the back of his head. Alex was alone with the one person he hated most and so, as he drifted into restless sleep, he considered the possibility of escape.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy thanks for reading whatever this is. This is baby's first fic so pls feel free to berate me if it's wack. Wanted something wordy and just... not plot oriented. God, I love finding awkward ways to explain sadness. Anyways, this might end up being a preface to something hurt/comfort related... who knows. I wrapped this one pretty quick so if there's typos or grammatical errors plEASE tell me. That shit is the worst.


End file.
